案例1
翻译原文
This is definitely the most quoted line in all of English literature, so much so that you’ve probably seen it as a parody more often than you’ve seen it written out straight — for example, “Shall I compare thee to a bale of hay.” It’s one of the few poems that is just so cliché that, if a guy recited it to his girlfriend on a date, even the most love-sick of recipients would roll their eyes in disgust.
译文剖析
①这是一篇小品文,拿到文章后务必先通读全文,对文体做到心中有数,然后再落笔行文。在第一句中很多参赛选手没有准确把握line的意思,该词是指诗句中的一行诗或一句诗, English literature很多人未经分析就直接译为“英语文学”,缺乏探究求证精神;so much so that很多同学也翻译得艰涩生硬,背离了“化境”标准。之前讲过,“的、被头上一把刀”,在参赛译文中还是有很多同学用得不亦乐乎。在参考译文中,将written out straight词性变化译为“原形”,so much so that在英文中是用来加强语气的,在处理时将其酌情略去。
②在第二句中很多参赛译文没有注意到one of the few poems与上文中line之间的联系,缺乏翻译的宏观思维;该句中也出现了so…that…,这些逻辑点在翻译时必须照顾中文的语言特点,不可生硬行文。其实很多类似的逻辑词在中文中都可以巧妙隐藏在字里行间,无须对应翻译,所谓“形散神不散”;在参考译文中使用了四六句增强句子的张力,“反复吟诵”“陈词滥调”“为数不多”。the most love-sick of recipients的处理也是建立在理解基础之上的,肯定是指girlfriend,只不过是最love-sick,这时考查的是中文写作的功底。参考译文中跳脱出来译为“无论如何渴慕爱情”。roll their eyes in disgust在参考译文中充分发挥了汉语副词修饰语气的作用,添加了“势必”一词,体现中文语感。